Mon. Mar 30th, 2020
college sneaker community

College Freshman Upset Over Lack Of Sneaker Community On Campus

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS – College freshman Brian Stanton (Class of ‘22) expressed his
concerns over the lack of a sneaker community at the prestigious higher education institution of
which Stanton attends, well known for its snobbier residents. “I mean, it just doesn’t make any
sense. Bro, I was pulling out all the stops, Yeezys, OW collabs, exclusive Pharrell x NMDs, you
name it I was flexing it.” Stanton drags theatrically on his Supreme-wrapped Juul before
continuing, “I even UNDS’d my Red Octobers on the last day of orientation! Yeah, sure it cost
me a couple of grand in resale value, but man was I desperate for one of these white dudes rocking boat shoes, Vineyard Vines, and Brooks Brothers to notice my kicks for once, you know? All I got was a Natty stain on the toe cap though, it was just depressing, man.”

A later interview conducted by a Deadstock Report representative with freshman Brian
Stanton has confirmed his plans to transfer to a community college closer to one of his favorite
Instagram resellers. Says Stanton, “Sure it makes sense to like, have a stable job and financial
security or whatever, but I’m sure my transfer and me being so close to @xxResale4everxx will
just really open up a lot of opportunities for me.” When asked how Stanton had broken the news
to his parents, he declined to comment.