Wed. Oct 16th, 2019
dad shoes reviewed

Dad Shoes Reviewed By My Father Based On His Regular Dad Activities

Dad shoes became a big trend in 2018 with the release of the Balenciaga Triple S, Adidas Yeezy 700, and Puma Thunder Spectras. The wave was so strong even the forefather of the “Dad” sneaker aesthetic, the Nike Air Monarch , received a makeover from designer Martine Rose. But how do fathers feel about the sudden appropriation of their culture? We wanted to find out so we interviewed my Dad on which shoes he could see himself performing his regular “Dad-tivities” in.

The sneakers in question:

  • Yeezy Boost 700 “Wave Runner”
  • New Balance 990s “Silver”
  • Balenciaga Triple S “Multicolor”
  • Martine Rose x Nike Air Monarch
  • Puma Thunder Spectra 

My Dad’s first reaction to each:

  • Yeezy Boost 700 “Wave Runner”
    • Dad: What are these?
    • DSR: These are Yeezys.
    • Dad: I hate Kanye, he is an arrogant asshole.
    • DSR: Glad we are starting this interview with an open mind.
  • Balenciaga Triple S
    • Dad: They look like platform Mom shoes, something you would wear at a disco. I don’t even wanna put those on, I would look like a lady.
    • DSR: Discos still exist?
  • Air Monarch
    • Dad: I own that shoe, they are comfortable, great for my wide feet.
    • DSR: You don’t own these shoes Dad. These are the Martine Rose version.
    • Dad: Why would Nike ever do that to such a classic?
    • DSR: Trust me, you are not alone in that opinion.
  • New Balance 990
    • Dad: Oh wow those are New Balances? I didn’t know they made shoes that were that fashionable.
  • Puma Thunder Spectra
    • Dad: I think those are the ones they wore in Back To The Future II. Do they light up?

My father’s favorite activities include: fishing, mowing the lawn, detailing his car, grilling, and going out on dates. Full disclosure, my parents are divorced so my father is a very eligible bachelor (ladies). We asked my Dad to pick a shoe which would best fit with his favorite activities.

Fishing- Yeezy 700s

Dad: I would probably wear these for fishing *points to 700s*

DSR: Is it because Kanye is a gay fish?

Dad: A what?

DSR: How do you think these would handle a wet, slippery surface?

Dad: *looks at bottom of shoe* They look pretty grippy. Is that foam in there?

DSR: It’s called Boost dad.

Dad: Well then that would make them pretty buoyant and help me float if I ever fall in. *chuckles to himself*

DSR: Would you feel confident that you would be able to have stealth steps in these so you don’t scare the fish?

Dad: They have a big sole and I think the foam would help them with that. I think the only thing that would scare the fish are the colors.

DSR: What’s the craziest thing you have ever pulled out of the water?

Dad: Well, one time I pulled a left shoe out of the water but nothing out of the ordinary.

DSR: Was resell lit?

Dad: What?

DSR: Nothing, next shoe.

Mowing- Balenciaga Triple S

DSR: What type of mower do you use? Are you a riding mower or a push mower guy?

Dad: Push mower. But it’s self propelled. A Craftsman m270. It’s one of the more expensive models. (Flex)

DSR: *googles mower* You know these shoes cost more than your mower right?

Dad: I don’t believe it.

DSR: Ok whatever. How do you think these would hold up against grass stains since you have a push mower?

Dad: Uh, only the sole would see damage.  The other parts of the shoe wouldn’t because I would be so high off the ground the grass couldn’t touch it!

DSR: You’re really feeling yourself today aren’t you Dad? Do you think you could finish a whole lawn wearing these shoes?

Dad: No just wearing them would tire me out, they are really heavy. It feels like I’m wearing high heels to mow the lawn.

DSR: So performance isn’t there. What about aesthetics? Would these go with your lawn mowing fit?

Dad: My fit?

DSR: Your outfit. Do these shoes would go with your outfit?

Dad: Well I usually wear my all green sweat suit so no. But I don’t really think they would go with anything I own.

Detailing The Car- Martine Rose  x Nike Air Monarchs

Dad: I actually wear these when detailing my car, so this should be easy.

DSR: Once again dad these shoes are different from your regular Monarchs. Why do you wear Monarchs to detail your car?

Dad: Well I have really wide feet and only certain shoes fit me well. They help me a lot when crouching down to get my rims. Takes the strain off my back.

DSR: Do you wax on or wax off?

Dad: You can only wax on. It doesn’t make sense to take off the wax. That’s just stupid.

DSR: Would you ever use a Supreme hand towel to detail your car?

Dad: The hand towel I use is already pretty large so I don’t know how much bigger this “Supreme” towel could be.

Grilling- Puma Thunder Spectras

Dad: I would wear these because I only have to cook for myself so no one would ever see me in them. They look like something George jetson would wear.

DSR: Do you think these are grease repellant?

Dad: I don’t know if anything is truly grease repellant. I have a shirt that says it is grease repellent but I think that is a lie.

DSR: Wow never heard of that conspiracy theory before. What are your feelings on the five-second rule?

Dad: I’m not too concerned with how long the food is on the ground because the heat from the grill should kill any bacteria. I would never throw out a good steak because of a little dirt, just moronic.

DSR: If you didn’t have a mallet, would you ever flatten your meat with a shoe?

Dad: What kind of chef doesn’t have a mallet to flatten his meat?

DSR: Spoken like a true pro.

Date Night- New Balance 990s

DSR: What is your go-to date fit?

Dad: *takes a second to think* That would have to be my grey and black Tommy Hilfiger sweater and blue jeans. These shoes would match perfectly with them.

DSR: Do you turn heads in this fit?

Dad: I would like to think so but I haven’t gotten laid in a while so I might have to change it up.

DSR: Oh my, I appreciate the candidness. So scenario: you pick up a woman at the bar and she takes you back to her place. You finally get the leg but the woman is crazy and you want to make a sneaky get away. Think you could get that done in these shoes?

Dad: I don’t know about all that. I am not the type to have a one night stand with a woman but I would have to guess they would help in some way.

DSR: Well thanks Dad that’s the final shoe I hope you have learned something going through these with me.

Dad: Yes, I learned how much you spend on these dumb things. No wonder it took you so long to move out.

DSR: Thanks Dad, appreciate that. 

My Dad’s final rankings:

1. Martine Rose x Nike Air Monarch  (I’m still unsure if he realizes the difference from the original)

2. New Balance 990s “Silver”

3. Yeezy Boost 700s ”Wave Runner”

4. Puma Thunder Spectras

5. Balenciaga Triple S “Multicolor”